Archive for November, 2010

Nov 28 2010

And How Was Your Holiday?

Published by under Humor,Personal

I’m glad to be home. I am already waiting for when I can plop my head down on my own pillow. And for some reason, no one ever seems to have decent water pressure in their shower. How do these people live?

Anyway, the highlight signature funny moment happened at my in laws. The conversation obviously got on to discussion of girly magazines and dude’s getting tattoos on their junk. It’s thanksgiving FFS, why wouldn’t the conversation go in that direction? Well, my mother in law discusses how she would find and read the playboys of her oldest son before throwing them out. Some how she turns the conversation on to how she spared her husband (who, while he was within ear shot but not involved in the conversation either doesn’t hear or pretends not to hear the ongoing conversation) the knowledge of their son’s “reading” periodicals and discloses her take on how he would perceive those materials by saying “I’m sure he would be happier if you showed him a sheep”.

Now, you kind of have to understand my mother in law to understand that she totally did not mean it in the context that I’m sure 99% of the people who would read/hear this would at first think. She doesn’t make dirty jokes, she doesn’t swear, she likely doesn’t have a single dirty thought enter her head. Secondly you have to have the knowledge that my father in law dables in raising sheep on their farm. Even with all that knowledge to all present, it did not stop the roar of laughter. While she meant it as a joke, I’m sure she still doesn’t understand why that statement would cause such a reaction from her present kids and kids in law.

She had one of those looks on her face that toddlers get when they do something funny but don’t really know why. They are trying to piece together what they did so they can do it again. I’m certain my mother in law was trying to figure it out so that she does not do it again assuming (correctly so) that she had inadvertently said something that everyone took as being dirty.

Good times.


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Nov 09 2010

Crisis Averted

Published by under Personal

The following is a tale of woe for all you people who haven’t experienced the “joys” of children.

There is a rule in our house. You don’t eat or drink when you are on the computers. Mostly this has come about due to the piles of crumbs that can be dumped out by turning over one of the laptops or the crusted over orange glow of that crap that sticks to your fingers when eating cheese balls all over the keyboards. I’m officially going on record saying that you probably shouldn’t be eating anything that day glows, but that’s not what this post is about.

Sunday evening I was all set to sit down with something off of netflix (I totally need a 12 step program for that shit), when Clay takes off for the kitchen ripping the laptop, cord an all off from the wall. Seeing kids bolt from room to room for seemingly no reason at all is nothing unfamiliar to our house so I didn’t think much of it. Amy followed him into the kitchen just starting up on one of her motherly tirades about how he was treating her laptop when she caught him wiping down her laptop with a towel. He sheepishly admitted that he had spilled a glass of water all over the wife’s computer.

I’m pretty sure the earth stood still for a moment as Amy let that one soak in. Needless to say, that ended his evening with the computer and started by evening of emergency computer repair. I had to forgo (mostly) my evening plans in hopes that I could take apart the laptop and dry it out enough that it could be salvaged. I wasn’t terribly hopeful for the amounts of water that were dripping out of the case, but once inside, was surprised at how the enormous dust bunnies seemed to have been spared from a damp death.

Even after a couple hours of drying and copious amounts of compressed air shot over all the vital bits, I still wasn’t terribly hopeful. I started it up and there were all kinds of video issues. But Clarus shined upon us that day. The next morning I got it to successfully boot.

Crisis averted. The laptop seems to function. And by function, I mean that when she types a hand full of letters, it also tags along some other letters like they are some weird siamese letters. Almost like ligatures without the awesome conjoinedness.

But at least the thought of now replacing a $40 part instead of a $1000 laptop almost makes it feel like a win. In retrospect, that logic just seems retarded, but hey – at least I’m finding the silver lining. At any rate, this at least gives me some mild amusement and leaves me in a position to find this funny. And by funny, I mean funny funny instead of sad funny which is what the thought of replacing the laptop would have been.

Here I bring you some of the joy I’m experiencing in the form of an IM reenactment:

AMY: well, no one tol med
AMY: i snt you tmails
AMY: LEGO Creator House Zo for Christmasgggggg?

AMY: bcouldg you bcet homet aroundg 5:30
ME: Hgdbjfdg
ME: That’s Amy’s keyboard for yes
AMY: funny

Ok, so wasn’t much of a tale of woe. More of a common sense post – don’t let your kids use your shit. They are really bad with being responsible with it.


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